BOLC and Depression
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BOLC and Depression
...I tried posting this once before, but I can’t find it in the sub Reddit and I’m not sure if I did it correctly.
Alright, long post ahead.
I was diagnosed with depression around the same time I entered the army. Once I found out that you cannot enter into the National Guard and have depression, I’d already been on anti-depressants and had been in a few months process of getting help and “feeling better.” So, I stopped going to therapy and stopped taking my medicine. I got my life together, and joined ROTC in college (Reserve Officer training Corps) I was in a very good place mentally, had support, and recognized my symptoms. No meds needed, no reason to tell the army. Fast forward to a very difficult junior year where I recognized my symptoms and rushed myself to the doctor where I was re-prescribed anti depressants. I took consistently kept up with half the prescription, talked to my PMS (Senior Professor of Military Science) , was barred from attending a required military school but was assured I could attend later on. I seriously considered full fledged help, (therapy, continued anti-depressants) but knew it meant I couldn’t be in the army. I kicked it, stopped taking the meds, and I’ve been good since. I commissioned as an officer two years later. I’ve been training for BOLC (Basic Officer Leadership Course) for the last year and a half. My army mentor committed suicide in March. I’ve been absolutely exhausted for the entirety of the year. I’m noticing my depressive symptoms, but I’m not suicidal. I’ve been physically sick the entire year (mono, strep, sinus infection after sinus infection) Normally, I would do all of the things that help me aka going to the gym, therapy, yoga, etc. But I am at BOLC now and my hands are tied. My time is dedicated to the army from 4am to 11pm. I have three months left of the course, and I’m not sure if I should risk the symptoms getting worse.... but I’m worried about being medically discharged, or what I would be facing if I did reach out. I also have no idea how to reach out. My unbiased view of myself is that I should get help regardless, but I’m afraid that would mean my entire career would be down the drain or I would look like I’m simply trying to get out of the course. I can’t turn to anyone about this, the only person I trusted in the army is gone. Thoughts?
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