I'm tired of training for something I'm never going to do
Posted on
Hey guys, throwaway because I'm not really anonymous on my main account.
I've been in for about three years now, as the equivalent of a forward observer (non American). I do my job well, I'm well regarded by my superiors, and I honestly love what I do. I've had a lot of luck too, many of my peers have been in much longer than I have. Right now, I can't see myself leaving the military life, or even switching to a non combat MOS. Anyway, lately I've been struggling with the feeling of being done with all this. There's not much more for me to learn, except trying for JTAC selection, but why would I? We're not going to go to war anytime soon, and since we're not in NATO I'm probably never going to do a real call for fire, ever. Exercises are almost always the same, we might blow up some old shipping containers with mortars or shoot hellfires at wooden targets if we're lucky, and that's it. I have no idea if I'll perform when the shit hits the fan for real, and I'll probably retire without ever knowing.
Even if I wanted to leave the military, I don't think I could. All my closest friends are colleagues, and I have zero transferable skills to the civilian job market. I haven't had a girlfriend since I joined, and the ones that I have dated since that have all complained that I'm away from home too much and that I'm rarely "present" anyway.
I know that I'm not alone in thinking this, and from what I understand most regret it later in life, but I want to go to war. I want to do my job for real. I'm not some psycho who's just after the feeling of killing someone else, I just want to do what I'm supposed to do. The only time I'm truly happy is when I'm out in the field with my mates, and I want that feeling for real.
Anyway, I don't know where I'm going with this, other than wanting to vent. Have you guys also struggled with this feeling of emptiness? Those of you who went to war, was it what you imagined it would be?
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