Ladies and gentlemen, sergeants, Navy-folk E4 and above (still don’t know what you’re called), non-non-commissioned officers, it’s already been a year since I took the uniform off for the final time and drove off into the sunset with my DD214. Here’s m...
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After finishing my indentured servitude on Juneteenth and balling out at a going away party, I packed my entire life into a compact car and took off across the country to greener pastures and freedom. My fiancée and I got married six weeks later, and I started going back to school full-time while she worked full-time. Life couldn’t be better; we were finally living the dream. Or so it seemed.
Fast forward to today. Turns out that I married a liar and cheater who wound up leaving me in the middle of the night several weeks ago (without notice) to be with another man. The woman who I loved with all my heart, made sacrifice after sacrifice for and promised I would spend the rest of my life with turned out to be a complete fraud. Turns out she’s a serial cheater and this is just what she does to men. The biggest reason I left the military to begin with was to start a new life with this woman.
I know for a fact that if this woman hadn’t been in my life for the two years leading up to our marriage (half my time spent in the Army), I would’ve stayed in the military. I had every opportunity thrown at an E4 you could possibly imagine to get them to stay in: kick-ass deployments/YS taskers/duty station choices, the Old Guard, West Point, three letter agency slots and signed paperwork to go to different unit selections. I turned it all down with the line Robin William’s character in Good Will Hunting used to turn down Boston Red Sox tickets to game six of the World Series- “sorry guys, I gotta see about a girl”.
At first I was only in it to get the G.I. Bill and VA home loan. That eventually changed though, and the tiebreaker for the staying in vs. getting out debate at certain times could’ve easily been decided by a coin flip. Once I met my wife though, that was that. I wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of us spending the rest of our lives together, including the military. I’d heard too many stories from senior NCO’s, warrants and O’s about how their wives were initially okay with the re-enlistments, extensions and deployments. After a while it got to them though, and eventually their repeated choice to stay in cost them their marriage. I wasn’t going to let the defense machine do what it does best to engaged and married couples. Welp, turns out my wife did that all on her own.
I don’t say all of that just to throw myself a pity party or get anyone’s sympathy. I say all of that to remind everyone here who still wears the uniform of the reality that will one day become your post-military life. Some things don’t change simply because you take the uniform off and finally acquire your DD214. Haters are still gonna hate, scoffers are still gonna scoff and cheaters will unfortunately continue to do what they do. Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows once you take the uniform off for the last time.
We constantly hear that we’re part of “the 1% who serve” or whatever they tell y’all nowadays. Once you take the uniform off though, the majority of the 99% don’t care about your high-speed patches, former rank, awards, units you were in or deployments to countries that no one can find on a map. As Andy Samberg once exclaimed after throwing the rest of the cake on the ground, “welcome to the real world, jackass!”. Just because you separate from the military doesn’t mean you’re done dealing with s$%&bags and shammers. In fact, in my experience this past year, they seem to have become the standard bearers in most places.
All that being said though, I don’t regret taking off the uniform for the last time. Yes, I would’ve stayed in had my soon-to-be ex-wife not been in the picture, but I’m incredibly thankful and relieved to be out now, and I’m never going back. I finished my first year back in college full-time with a 4.0 GPA and paid for it out of pocket; I only have a couple more classes until I get my associate’s, and I haven’t touched my G.I. Bill yet. Haven’t decided, but I’ll either start using it once I have my associate’s, or after my 3rd year in college so that the benefits kick in for my 4th year and all of law school (if I take that road). I also still have a security clearance and will have a contracting job very soon since I’ll be on my own.
So sure, turns out my wife was a liar, cheater and left me in the middle of night feeling like a complete idiot, failure and the worst I’ve ever felt emotionally in my entire life. Sure, I might be typing all this out on an inflatable air mattress in my brother’s house while two infants scream at the top of their lungs. Sure, I might not have an income source at the moment.
Y’all know what I’ve thought every day as this has unfolded though? “At least I’m not in the Army right now”.
One day you too will be free. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it. You can do it, you’ll get there. Thank you all for your service. I salute you all.
Very respectfully,
A free man with a beard
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