Why do they always feel like taking a piece of Sandpaper to the taint?

-They always during PCS Season so Boom Summer Heat

-Everyone and their Mother must attend, which means Outdoor venues only

-The fuckin Speeches I swear upon all the unborn kids that I will ejaculate later tonight, that not a single Speech at any CoC Ceremony in history for any branch has had any meaningful speech that actually made a difference ever.

New Pitch for the CoC Ceremonies, the incoming & outgoing CO meet the presiding Senior officer in a parade field and have a public dance off. Costumes would be encouraged and over the span of the performance everyone would get a better picture of the incoming CO than any speech or "Command Philosophy" ever could.

One shot of the Booze Please