So, no shit: there I was, standing around, waiting in formation for a training/presentation on a Blackhawk helicopter. We had three platoons in the company, all three standing At Ease in formation facing the helo. It was a relaxed, field environment and we were all shooting the shit but then…

Our third platoon guys noticed that the second platoon acting platoon sergeant had stepped away from the formation to go talk to the crew chief without calling up anybody to take over the formation. And what’s worse, none of the sergeants in the formation were stepping up to take his place.

Naturally we started catcalling and taunting them, but we couldn’t goad anybody into stepping out front. Now, I’m nothing if not by-the-book, law-and-order, a-place-for-everything-and-everything-in-its-place, right? This was a company formation. Clearly not the place for shenanigans. And the acting PSG is a buddy of mine, I’ve got his back!

So I took the opportunity to take charge in the absence of higher leadership or guidance and marched my happy ass up in front of the second platoon formation… and immediately yelled “Second Platoon, ATTENTION! About, FACE! Five paces forward, MARCH! At ease!” They obediently turned around, marched five paces behind the other platoon formations, and settled back into a position of At Ease, out of line and facing the wrong way. And I went back over to my platoon. Just another day at the office, thank you.

Third Platoon lost their shit. First Platoon and our very small Headquarters Section lost their shit. Hell, even half of Second Platoon was doubled over laughing because they’d been taken completely off guard and had just obeyed by reflex.

The acting Platoon Sergeant turned around and didn’t immediately notice his entire platoon now formed up behind the other two platoons and was at a complete loss for a few seconds. We were about to start anyway, so our First Sergeant just had everybody fall out and form an informal horseshoe.

A lot of guys told me they’d get their revenge on me, my platoon, my guys, my tent, my pet goldfish, my ancestors, any deities I held dear, and probably my filthy chakras or something. I lost track of the various threats, but none of them ever materialized anyway.

I’ve started keeping a list of my stories in a rough-but-ever-evolving reading order here. It’s nothing fancy, just a list of links straight back to my posts here in r/MilitaryStories, but I hope it’s helpful for the guys who have asked me for it.