This might not be as dramatic as many other stories on here, but it should crack some of you up. First, I'm on mobile. Sorry if my formatting is not on par. Second, english isn't my first.

Back in the 90s I had to do my mandatory time in the army. Since not too many of us were after a career morale wasn't too high, and a lot of us put way more effort into pranks and shenanigans. Especially the guys in the kitchen gave us a real run for our money.

I won't go into much detail about what lead up to this point (would take way too much time), but I have to hand it to the kitchen crew for this one:

About 2 months into basic training (we started in July) summer was doing it's utmost to reduce us to walking pools of sweat, and our beloved drill instructors sure as sh!t did their part to help the process along. So we were regularily scheduled for marching up and down the yard right at the peak of midday heat - before and after lunch. We well and truly hated their guts for that.

Especially when we were starving, and they marched us along the kitchen windows and we got a good whiff of lunch to come. Bastards.

However, one day it backfired.

The kitchen chief in his infinite wisdom (egged on by his beloved gang of pranksters) decided that a good helping of beans & bacon would be just the thing to refuel our engines and get us back up to speed.

Not being a pro chef myself, I was later told that there is a way to cook beans in a way to not get gassy. Guess what didn't happen.

After digging in, back to the yard we went. A delightful day 30°C, not a cloud in the sky and no breeze whatsoever. This is where it started to get interesting.

We were standing in formation, our Sergeant (called differently where I'm from) yelling orders. Cue a distinct grumble in our digestive systems.

"ATTEEEENTION!"

pfrrrrrrrt

Not overly loud, but loud enough. Cue quiet snickering from half the squad (about 30). The Sergeant either didn't hear it, or chose to ignore it.

Insert command to turn to the left - no Idea how it's called in english

PFFFFFRT

The snickering got somewhat louder. Guess what, laughing does it's fair bit to contract your core muscles - awesome, right?

"TO THE FRONT!

From here on, it would fill at least three lines to describe the crescendo of flatulence well audible across the yard. We were barely able to hold in the laughter. This is when we thought that the Sgt. would stop the exercise. Boy, were we wrong.

"WHO THE HELL FARTED? WHO?"

"pooooooooot"

"I'll get you. Damn bastard. Stinking up my yard..."

While saying this, the Sgt walked up to each of us, and tried to sniff out (yeah, pun, sue me) who did it. Asking questions like "Was it you? Huh? You the f**ing Skunk?" while he did it.

We were close to losing it. As you can imagine, we didn't even bother holding our farts in anymore. He went to the left, farts would come from the right. It was hilarious.

I have absolutely no idea how long this went on, but my stomach hurt from laughing at this point. Then a booming voice was heard from the Captains office.

"SERGEANT *insertnamehere!"

"YES, SIR!"

"GET THOSE SKUNKS MOVING! I WANT THAT CLOUD OUT OF MY OFFICE!"

Well, so we started marching. Needless to say, we still kept on playing our very own type of marching band. It was then decided, that we should conceal the noise with a song. Sadly, the title doesn't translate well. But it was something along the lines of "Rangers sound the hymn."

Good times.

Edit: Thanks for the awards, fellow redditors! 1st time I got the dread award!

Edit 2: Holy hell, this went a lot further than I thought it would! Thank you guys for all the upvotes and awards! Fart jokes forever!