Not every day starts off great. Sometimes the breakfast just isn’t as filling. Other days the morning alarm pierces through your dreams, causing you to wake in a panic. In this particular day, I was awoken with a feeling unlike none other. My stomach, groaning and aching, as if it were trying to plead me awake. My bones, shaking to their very core. And my ass, trembling, because it knew what was in store for me.
My alarm, scaring me awake, caused me to smack my head on the top of my rack. “YEOUCH!” I screamed. It was 12:15pm, and I needed to get ready for my watch. I felt something inside me, a feeling I knew all too well. “Oh man I have to shit”. As I stumbled out of the top rack, I fumbled to put on my shoes. It was dark, and the only thing I could use to guide my vision was the feint hint of red, coming from the red light from my isle. After my shoes were on, I was ready to head towards the toilet. I had no urgency, for I assumed that our three toilets were fully functional, and at least one would be unoccupied. After all, it was peak lunch hours. I get into the common area, place my hand on the door knob, and open the door. I am immediately greeted by the immense and powerful bright, white lights of the bathroom. “AH FUCK IT’S BRIGHT!” I scream as push my way through the doorway. As my vision adjust, my heart sinks. Two of the three stalls, are covered in tape. This is a sure way to tell that the toilet out-of-order. “Aw man.” I sigh. I still test my luck. I bend down towards the floor to peer underneath the third stall, in hopes that it would be free, and ready for me to use. Unfortunately, it was not. There was someone in there, fighting for their life, or so I assumed. That would be the only way I’d be satisfied with the stall being taken. If there was someone in there, just wasting time, trying to get away from their daily tasks. A murder might have crossed my mind.
Now I am stuck. Do I wait for this man to finish his business? Do I try and open up the taped off stalls to see if it’s usable enough for me to relieve myself? No, I must respect the wishes of the HTs that fight the good fight, and take weeks to fix one broken toilet! I will find a working toilet! I quickly rush out of the bathroom, back into the darkness. I smack my knee on the wall because I am an idiot. “Fuck” I whisper, trying to be considerate of my fellow shipmates who are trying to get some rest. The pain doesn’t stop at just my knee. My ass is in pain. Crying out to me as if it were begging for its life. “Don’t worry, ass of mine. I shall find a toilet, and we will shit!” I leave berthing and head up towards the only other place I know where there is a toilet, the Quarter Master’s Head! I start my journey. With each step, with each ladder well summited, the poop in my butt draws nearer. “OH GAHD IT’S COMING!” I’m gripping the railings, clenching my teeth, holding my asshole shut. This is my last chance. If someone else takes my place in the QM’s head, it will be all over for me. I make it up the final ladder well. I crawl on the floor, seconds away from exploding. I can see the door. I reach up, and grab the knob. It’s unlocked. There is no one inside! I quickly open the door and rush myself inside! This is it! Or so I thought. The toilet was filled to the brim with a dark brown soup of piss and shit. There wasn’t even a millimeter of room for me to drop one off. It was over. I lost. Then, it happened. My stomach was no longer in pain, for I, just shat myself.
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