You do realize it is night-time outside, sir...
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Many moons ago, I was the platoon leader of a UAS Platoon in the US Army. I know for a fact that my story is not unique, as I have spoken with two other fellow PLs who have related to me very similar stories of woe and intrigue. And isn't that depressing.
During my time as PL, I and my chiefs, were rather keen on providing our operators a more interesting training scenario than flying circles over an empty desert. Luckily for us, we were located near a unit that was responsible for training National Guard units prior to their deployment overseas, so we were able to provide UAS support to units that were quite unfamiliar with our platform.
We were requested to provide three days of 24/7 operations, which just so happened to fall over a weekend. Being of the mind that as an officer I should suffer the same travails as my subordinates, I stayed out at the flight line for the full duration of the operation. This turned out to be quite fortuitous.
To set the scene, it was an overcast but not stormy night. I was sleeping fitfully in my humvee on the flight line when one of my SSGs (Sidenote: this SSG was one of the single most competent NCOs I ever served with. He could lay out the entirety of the UAS system and brief every single cable from memory.) shook me awake.
"Sir, Dumbass 6 [not his actual callsign, obviously] is on the radio. I think you should answer it."
"What's up?"
"I really think you should find out for yourself."
Very much intrigued, I picked up the radio.
"Dumbass 6, this is Shadow 6, over."
"Shadow 6, I want color video, over."
Dear reader, it is at this moment that I would like to remind you that it is about 0130, in the middle of the desert, and overcast. Illum is at about -30% if such a thing is possible. Barely awake, sleep-deprived, I glance outside the humvee to see pitch-blackness that is faintly illuminated by the pale face of my NCO, with the only source of light being the faint glow emanating from my JBCP.
"Dumbass 6, it is nighttime, over."
"Shadow 6, I want color video on the objective, over."
To put it lightly, I was confused. It was dark. The only color outside was black. Color imagery was useless. Why was he asking for color imagery? I was so tired. I had spent the week prior preparing for the third change of command inventory in 6 months. Tact was a distant concept to my sleep-addled mind.
"It's pitch-black, why do you want color? Over."
"LT, I am a LTC, just follow my orders!" Baffling orders, even upon reflection. I thought this was the kind of thing only uttered by absolute morons. I even consulted with several witnesses after the fact to ensure that those words were actually uttered by a real person, and not a fictional caricature.
"Roger, sir."
I switch channels, giving That LookTM to my ever-faithful NCO.
"Shadow 2, this is Shadow 6. Switch to color imagery."
"Shadow 6, it's nighttime."
"Fully aware Shadow 2. Dumbass 6 wants color, over."
"Roger Shadow 6. Switching to color."
I settle back in the passenger seat while my NCO giggles somewhere off in the gloom. A few moments later, my radio lights up with one of my chiefs.
"Shadow 6, Shadow 4. Did that idiot really ask for color imagery?"
"Shadow 4, Shadow 6. You betcha." Not strictly by the book, but warranted under the circumstances.
Our further discussion was cut short by the radio squawking once more.
"Shadow 6, Dumbass 6. FMV has cut out. Just a black screen. Over."
"Dumbass 6, FMV has not cut out. Imagery has switched to color as you requested."
"I can't see anything!"
I had sacrificed a weekend for my soldiers and myself for this idiot, and I had reached the limit of my patience.
"Dumbass 6, it is NIGHTTIME. That means it is dark. There is no moon, no stars, no nothing. If you look outside your tent, you might notice that it is rather difficult to see ANYTHING."
Silence on the other end of the radio. On my side, the only sounds were the choking laughter of several NCOs that had gathered to hear me (mildly, barely) chew out a LTC.
"Shadow 6, this is Dumbass 5. Dumbass 6 has left the TOC. I don't think he's very happy with you, over."
"Dumbass 5, he's not in my rating chain. Shadow 6 out."
With the situation seemingly resolved, I went back to sleep.
On Monday, I was summoned to my brigade commander's office. Upon arrival, I entered with my company and battalion commander. I had a pretty good relationship with the brigade commander at this point, despite several PT mishaps involving the BDE CSM that would make a rather funny, but separate, story, so I was not particularly worried. The same could not be said for my BC or company commander.
When we entered his office, the Brigade Commander could not keep his composure as soon as he laid eyes on me. "/u/alejeron, did you call a LTC an idiot over a radio channel?"
"No sir. I told him that it was nighttime and that we couldn't provide full color imagery."
"Well, Dumbass 6 said you did, so who should I believe?"
"I wouldn't presume to advise a COL on whom to believe." (these were my actual words to him. As I mentioned, we had a pretty good working relationship because I had, on 2 occasions, walked up to his office to "advise" him on several actions regarding the UAS PLT.)
"Well, its your lucky day, because his BN XO told me that he asked for color imagery at night and that you and your platoon was more than helpful during the entirety of their exercise."
So that, dear reader, is the story of how I (mildly, kinda, sort of) told off a LTC for requesting color imagery at night.
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