I’m a Captain regrettably leading DBAs at a tech school base. Yesterday while on the way to the Exchange to get myself 2 Bangs and a protein bar for lunch I came across an airman with a guilty look on his face. As we got close he saluted me, but something was off. While I was saluting back with a cold 2 tours in Afghanistan leading a HYDRO unit type expression I noticed something. He had red dust all over his fingers! And he was carrying a plastic BX bag in his left hand. I told him to stop, and asked him “what’s in the bag, airman?”

He gave me the worst reporting statement I have ever heard and told me he had Chester Cheetah’s Flaming Hot Puff Corn in the bag. I then asked “You weren’t hikin’ and bitin’ in OCPs, were you?”

We both were still holding up our salutes, until I yanked his arm down to inspect his dusty fingers. I then made him stand at attention and cite the Airman's Creed while I wrote him an LOR on the spot, as well as reciting 341 reasons why he's a dirtbag.

He's gone now, re-classed to 9J000