PENTAGON: OK, I’m lying. I’m at home typing this because it’s Christmas Eve here in Washington, but my heart is at the Pentagon…
One of the enduring holiday treats for military folks is NORAD’s Santa tracking website. When I checked this evening Old Saint Nick was somewhere over far northwestern Chad and was estimated to have delivered 3.28 billion presents around the world. He’d already covered Australia, where all decent people know he relies on six white boomers (big Red Kangaroos with an albino streak) who can handle the continent’s searing heat. (Knowledgeable observers have spotted the six white boomers emblazoned on the front of the Australian Embassy here. Note his red board shorts and his surf board.)
Meanwhile, the geospatial company AGI provides much of the power for the NORAD site, crunching data from the NRO’s spy satellites, from ground radars and globally deployed fighters to build a comprehensive global picture of the big man’s enormously complex and speedy flight.
Many of the details are classified, but I hear from reliable sources at the Pentagon that their SIGINT sensors are of enormous help in picking up Santa’s booming Ho Ho Ho as he flies at the top of the troposphere.
To those who question whether Santa is real, we humbly offer the official opinion of NORAD:
Based on historical data and more than 50 years of NORAD tracking information, we believe that Santa Claus is alive and well in the hearts of children throughout the world.
Merry Christmas from Breaking Defense! The Editor.