Confirming the Unbelievable Legend of Gimpy’s Toe
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In 1994, I was in the Army, stationed at Fort Davis, Panama. At that time, I had a roommate named John Parker (not real name) from Texas. Parker was one of my best friends, and a terribly funny, smart, really weird guy. Not weird in a bad way, just weird in a really interesting way. He wore cherry red Doc Martens, shaved his head, had tons of tattoos, and drank wine. One day, this kid Vickers in our platoon started calling Parker, ‘Gimpy’ and it forever became Parker’s nickname.
Outside of our barracks, we had a volleyball court/sand pit. About ten of us were playing volleyball one Saturday afternoon. During the game, Gimpy dropped to his ass and started doing a butt scoot in the sand. He was screaming, as we were all laughing at him. We had no idea what Gimpy’s problem was. Turned out, Gimp pivoted his foot wrong in the sand, and his big toe came off. I swear. Gimpy’s big toe tore off and was hanging. You could see the bone sticking out of his foot. Luckily, Gimp was surrounded by professional soldiers, all well-qualified in first aid and combat lifesaving. We completely ignored this training as we instinctively gawked at the wound, then posed with it for pictures. Gimpy went to Gorgas Army Hospital for a few days. While he was there, I drank his wine, and listened to his Skinny Puppy and Revco CD’s. He came back fine, after walking around with a cane for a while. I have told this story a hundred times, and nobody believes that a dude’s toe can come off playing volleyball in a sand pit. Today, my old roomdog, Johnny The Gimp Parker texted me the photo to prove it all. Enjoy.
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