Shitbag Snuffy
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This was back in 07, I’m a newer NCO, married with 4 kids, living off post and its a Friday night a few months before a 15 month deployment to Iraq. My wife is a Nurse and was at work (she works the 1900-0700 shift) and I get a call at 0100 from a frantic GF of one of my soldiers.
He was a problem child. DUI, Cocaine charge, and the type that tried to fuck anything that moved or had a pulse. His first time pissing hot, I was a brand new E5, we stood in front of the BN CDR and this idiot tells his side of the story “ I wasn’t trying to do Coke, some asshole laced my weed and that’s why I pissed hot for Coke.” He was a special kind of person to say the least.
Anyway, his GF calls me and is freaking out telling me that he (we will call him Snuffy) has been jumped, Tazed, and is butt Naked covered in blood and puke and has barricaded himself under a table at a party being thrown by another soldier from our Battalion at his off post house.
I get up, wake my oldest son up and tell him I will be back in an hour or two.
I pull up to the party house and go and talk to the guy who’s house it is. He tells me “Sgt, please get that mother fucker out of here before we lump him up again.” I tell him to show me where Snuffy is hiding.
He leads me to the back of the house to his dining room and I see the shitbag soldier, who I know I will no doubt be escorting to see the BN CDR again after this weekend and the inevitable drug test he will get, hiding under a table.
Snuffy is wasted, has multiple taser marks on him and is covered in blood and puke, and is sobbing like a baby.
I grab a blanket off of the couch and wrap him in it and walk him out to my car. His GF, who is also wasted and a hot mess, offers to drive him back to post and the barracks. I politely decline and tell her “no thanks” I got him.
We get in my car and he immediately starts crying again and drunkenly explains, to the best of his drunk ability, what happened. I asked other people over the course of the next few days because I knew I would have to write an in depth counseling statement and I needed clarity.
Being the drunk madman that he is, he showed up to the party uninvited and being that he is already not a very popular person within our Battalion, immediately gets into it with someone. They let it go and he walks off. Little bit of time passes and he somehow starts making out with a civilian girl at the party and they end up taking it to the Hot tub out in the back yard. At some point her boyfriend shows up and isn’t mad, but offers to make it a 3 way upstairs if Snuffy will agree to go with them.
All 3 head upstairs and Snuffy, who is a sexual deviant, offers to blow the boyfriend while he is going down on the girl. So, now they are in a butt naked 3-way when some other dudes roll into the bedroom (never found out if they were civilians or soldiers but they were the ones he got into it with when he first entered the party) and start they all laughing hysterically at the sight of drunk Snuffy with this other dudes dick in his mouth. Snuffy tries to mule kick one of them (with the other dudes dick still in his mouth) and the guy backs up, pulls out a taser, and starts zapping the shit out of Snuffy (with the dick still in or around his mouth). He ends up clamping down, biting the guys dick, which angers the guy getting blown, and to be honest; no one likes their dick bitten, and joins in (while naked) with the Tazer guys and they all start beating the living shit out of Snuffy who is also still butt naked.
Snuffy tried to escape, but they’re to many attackers to avoid this ass whooping. He tries to fight back, but he is naked, covered in another mans dick blood, and is puking all over himself and all over the place because he is drunk and getting beat on.
That’s about the time when his GF showed up and called me. She eventually got between him and his attackers and tells him to barricade himself under the table.
By the end of the night this mother fucker puked in my car on the way back to the Barracks and I had to go see the BN CDR with him again (2nd time). He received another article 15.
He ended up finally getting the boot during our deployment to Iraq because he pissed hot (3rd time) after he returned from Mid Tour leave.
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